If I could turn back three decades of aging and had cool hair, teens would probably still be a specialty (but I checked the mirror again this morning and no luck). I’ve worked with hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of teenagers in a variety of settings, and I typically have had a great rapport with teens in the real world but teenagers aren’t usually thrilled about being sent to counseling. (Many of them interpret "being sent to a counselor" as meaning someone thinks they are "crazy"). In reality, about 90% of the teens I have seen were actually more in need of coaching than therapy, so I try use that term instead, when it's appropriate. Regardless of what we call it however, the process usually takes a good bit more time than it does with adults unless the teen is the one who asked for counseling. Big difference in that case. Otherwise, teens are so accustomed to being "talked at" by adults that it can take several months of trust-building to get to that easy give-and-take dialogue that comes in the first session with an adult who is already motivated and eager for feedback. I've been a teacher and a youth worker, and the difference in the way kids open up when they are the ones to initiate is huge.
When adults tell me about their own experiences with counseling as a teenager, I almost never get a positive report on the experience. I hear the same stories from adults who remember being "sent" for a while to some person, whose name they can't recall, and not getting much from the experience. In contrast, I also have former-teen clients now in adulthood who still call for consultations from time to time. What enabled this group to benefit so much from the process? Usually length of the relationship we had - I was around long enough for those kids to start viewing me as a stable "fixture" in their world (even if that meant just coming once per month). The take-away from this is (1) Try to get your kid to ask about seeing someone, instead of it being all your idea; (2) find someone they like; and (3) stick with it long-term (even if it becomes monthly as time goes on).
Copyright © 2018 Will Singleton, MDiv, LPC-S, CCH - All Rights Reserved.
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